My room mate is a little weird and we’d not spoken in a while; actually since we both got a little drunk and I accidentally broadcast his penis to the whole campus via the Intranet. So I was quite surprised when I got back to the dorm room tonight to find the notepad next to the phone containing the following message: Sorry for what has happened between us. Tonight I am going to make an effort to make it all better.

I was very impressed. He’s not someone to take embarrassment like that in his stride. I ripped off his message and noticed large indentations on the page below. I picked up a pencil and used the side of the point, creating a rubbing. I was shocked with what I saw:

Duct tape, cheese string, refuse bags, bleach, Chianti, fava beans.