Drowning; watching water soak into the fibers of a soft cloth, stuffed violently into a man’s mouth, is memorizing. Something so simple, anybody can do it, but the panic it generates is unbelievable. Don’t try this yourself, I’m a professional, just take my word. The gasps, oh the gasps, when I finally pull the cloth out of their mouths. Oh joy! You can actually see the gratitude in their eyes. They are thanking me, me! The man who only moments ago was playing with their lives like a cat plays with a mouse! Oh joy!

Teeth; it’s amazing how much people love their teeth, like they were living beings. All they are are calcified structures protruding from bone, hardly something to worry about if they went missing. But the satisfying crunch when the majority of the tooth relinquishes its grip to the jaw, oh joy! I put my hand on their chests as it heaves up and down being one with their agony.

Cuts; these are my favourite. People think they are the easiest to deal with, I use a scalpel and with medical precision draw, the skin my canvas. I take my time, planning the strokes meticulously, creating a work of art. Periodically, I check their face, watch their confusion as the small cuts don’t seem threatening at all. I barely notice the flesh flop open, exposing the yellow grisly fat beneath. Though, when the realization hits them, their demeanor changes. Some cry, some turn white, ultimately they all die. Oh joy!

The bad news is, however, torture doesn’t work. The ones with the real information, they never give it up, never say a word, not even a lie; they know they are going to die anyway, they don’t want their last hours to be portrayed as a coward. The ones who talk soon and quickly, they lie, they tell us what we want to hear, it’s an obvious give away. I don’t let on, I carry on with my job, until the crying stops. Oh joy!

Why do I do this? Because I like it, and where else can I practice my art without the fear of getting caught. I ship out in five days, I am going to take advantage of my time left, and then count the hours until I’m back out here.